Conversations about life, learning and growing up

The school holidays always afford a wonderful opportunity to spend quality time with our children. Gone is rushing out the door with brief cases and brief kisses goodbye, with a sandwich hastily made, and the cats protesting about having to spend the day outside. And in its place are long sustained conversations over breakfast and the paper or morning coffee in a cafe - or in the case of this last holiday, midday rests between hitting the underwater world for Dive No 2 of the day.

Stories anchor children to their futures

During one such conversation, Maddie, my daughter, suddenly said 'well, you know, it was never an option about whether or not I would go to uni - the conversations about post high school always included a certainty I would have a degree.'  And she's right -  our conversations and discussions since she was the tiniest thing were about creating a picture of what her future could be.

Parents are very powerful and influential in helping to create the stories that children see in their heads about a lot of things - not just their future possibilities but also about their self-worth, their capability and their attitudes to school, learning and life in general. If we know this, then we need to take care with the stories we tell and the conversations we have. Which ones will be the most powerful in helping our children develop an overarching life story of positivity and fulfilment; one in which they embrace learning and change as a natural part of life?

I think we could tell stories about taking risks, persevering, setting goals, planning for success, personal organisation and leadership. These are far better stories for anchoring the future than those stories about school results, getting good grades and doing homework.

The stories could be about ourselves succeeding or failing, about other positive role models in society (who our heroes are and why), about what's in the news and what we think about it, about our observations of daily life, and about what life could be like.

Maddie's comment got me thinking about the conversations I've had with her for the past 18 years - these conversations have already taken her to some pretty special places (both physically and metaphorically); she has learned to set goals and persevere and manage her time well; she's prepared to try for things I would never have thought of when I was 28, let alone 18, and I believe she will be a great leader in the future. As far as personal organisation goes - by the look of her room, I need to lift my game with these particular stories. I'm not sure which ones I was telling but they have not resulted in tidiness. Last year she won an award at college for having the cleanest room at the end of the semester (so clearly it's possible) - anyway, this provided an endless source of amusement for my husband and I who have never seen a clean and tidy room we haven't orchestrated! And perhaps herein lies the answer - the story we were telling wasn't often about success in the area of a tidy room - and more about how like my brother she is!