Common courtesies, good manners - hundreds of years old but still the same

Manners matter... they are an opportunity to think generously about another person. They are used every day to make a good impression on others, and when used selflessly, can help you to feel good about yourself. No matter where you are, practicing good manners is important. Good manners (and smiles) draw people closer to you and can pave the way to solve many conflicts.

At Peregian Springs SS we teach children to use Common Courtesies or good manners explicitly and often. We believe firmly that being polite and courteous means considering how others are feeling whatever the situation is. Our Common Courtesies include greetings, polite requests and social expectations, such as being on time. It's old fashioned, you may say, to teach manners. And yes, it probably is. 

I went looking in the historical archives for the manners taught in Australian schools a century or more ago. I'm always enteretained by however much we change, there are always some things that stay the same :)

Common Courtesies - doing it naturally

I was visiting 2M last Thursday afternoon and as I cast my eyes around the room for somewhere to sit, little Jack says 'Sit here, Ms Sands' and patted the empty desk next to him. He then raced over to the corner of the room with an 'I'll get you a chair'.

And later that day as I was leaving the office laden down with my brief case, lunch bag, hand bag and other myriad things I seem to collect to take home every day, young Amaya says 'Let me get the door for you'.

This is common courtesy at it's best, and I'm so proud it happens in our school not only every day but multiple times a day.

We do teach Common Courtesies. We have a list of ten we've all decided are the really important ones. It includes things like saying please, thank you, excuse me and good morning; things like knocking politely and waiting by a door for an invitation in; things like using people's names when you address them. Our list is displayed in every classroom and we usually send it home in the newsletter once a year asking parents to reinforce the same at home.

Common courtesies are taught as a routine in our school. We can't just assume that children will know how good manners make the world go round. So by teaching these few courtesies explicitly we can at the very least ensure they have some standard ways of behaving that help them draw people closer to them.

Our kids' manners are the first things noticed by every visitor to our school. People find it so surprising.

But what I love is that they don't just know the script, know the routine and just say it - they do it naturally. Caring for others and displaying common courtesy is common place at Peregian Springs. Thank you to all parents who help us reinforce this!

Ripples

Throw a stone into a pond and the ripples spin slowly out to the edges in almost continuous circles. The same thing happens when we make eye contact with someone passing by and say 'hello'.

This simple common courtesy forms an important part of our social learning at Peregian Springs State School. My hope is that all staff model it, all parents take the lead and that all children join in and make it part of their social habits - just like 'please' and 'thank you'.

As Principal I try to get out in the playground in the mornings or in the car park in the afternoon and take the time to acknowledge the presence of children, to say hello and have a chat about whatever comes up. I love how kids eyes light up when you notice them - even the older boys who look as if they wish the ground would swallow them (or me) when I pass them hold their heads a bit higher and walk more jauntily (if that's possible with some of them!) to class.

Some kids - most in fact - will walk alongside me chatting about their weekend, their hair, my hair, what they saw someone do in the car park, my dress, the colour of my toe nails, the fact that Dad has gone away to work, and what Mum did on the way to school - not much passes their scrutiny (and there's not much privacy either)!

And why is this important? It's because even a small acknowledgement can be all a child needs to influence their day; that one small ripple that flows over their sense of self can change their day in the classroom and change how they interact with every person they meet that day. For some children it might be their only positive acknowledgement of the morning. They may have been around people, but that doesn't mean anyone has shown any interest in them or has taken the time to slow down, look in their face and wish them a good day.

Taking this time with more than 800 children will be my challenge this year and I'd love every parent, family member, staff member and student to help. Let's all slow down and smile and acknowledge each other every day. Here's to a wonderful 2014.

What to do in this weather...

If you are like me, you are probably quite affected by the weather. On a sunny day I feel optimistic and uplifted. Warm sunshine imparts a general feeling of wellbeing. Rain, clouds and cool weather leave me feeling somewhat deflated and at times, quite gloomy.

I have always found that connecting with others generates the same feelings as sunny days - I don't mean connecting on the Internet such as Facebook and email. I mean real connection involving a warm bodied person who laughs along with you, gossips and tells stories.

Games are often at the root of all connection between humans. As a youngster my Grandma taught me how to play 21; a little unorthodox - but my skills and fluency in adding and subtracting numbers to 21, remembering what was left in the deck, and strategising about what Grandma had in her hand was phenomenal. Games were played in our home a lot - Monopoly, Scrabble, draughts and chess were the order of the day. I also remember Boggle, Battleships (my brothers loved that), Mousetrap, Pictionary, Uno and Four in a Row. Playing games was great fun and it taught us kids a lot about cooperation, being a 'good' loser, and the place of competition. We would laugh a lot, look at each other's faces, practice 'give and take', use our manners, and would usually be sitting around a table talking about other things as we played.

On the weekend I read about some research into the educational power of parents*. A group of 125 parents were asked to play a board game one night a week for four weeks with their children. The results were stunning - parents and teachers reported improved concentration, social interaction, and cooperation with siblings. (Doesn't every parent want this last one!) Playing board games also boosted patience, teamwork, sharing, communication, sporting behaviour, critical thinking skills, and fluency in maths and spelling. Family relationships improved and parents were amazed that their children did not need to be glued to the TV or Nintendo.

Parent engagement in their child's learning and development takes many forms - and if you are interested in giving your child's learning, manners, compassion, play habits, kindness and thinking skills a boost, you can't go wrong with a deck of cards and a game of 21! (Perhaps draughts might be a bit more politically correct these days.) And let's face it - our current weather system is certainly giving us plenty of reasons to stay indoors and enjoy the company of our family.

These days I still play games; many on my iPad. These are often designed to play alone or against the machine itself. I still find a way to interact with someone else, even if it means posting a 'Help' on my Facebook page for a 4Pics 1Word puzzle.

* Herald Sun, Wednesday 19 August 2009, p 27

Common Courtesies... or just plain old fashioned good manners

I'm pretty big on good manners at school - or Common Courtesies, as we call them. Our Common Courtesies include greeting people when you first meet them for the day, saying please and thank you, knowing how to enter a room politely, using 'excuse me' in its correct context, using each other's names and a few others. At Peregian Springs we teach these to children explicitly, and everyone models their use. Our Common Courtesies are demonstrated everywhere everyday by students, teachers and other staff members - and we love it when parents reinforce these at home too.

Our students' manners is one of the things visitors to our school comment on nearly every week - visitors seem to be amazed at how polite and courteous our kids are. And I'm always terribly proud of them when they walk past me as I'm escorting a group of visitors and call out 'Good morning, Ms Sands', spontaneously and without any prompting! (This often happens in the supermarket in the afternoon too!)

Being consistent with our teaching of manners is important - those of you at Assembly on Friday would have heard me pull up the school and chastise them for talking and walking away while one of our Student Leaders was trying to close Assembly. I'm happy to say, I rarely have to do this, as mostly our kids are happy and polite students without being reminded. For me, though, setting and maintaining the standard is important.

Why do we think manners are important enough to teach? It's because a few common courtesies make the world a nicer place to be in - a smile improves a recipient's day; a please, a thank you and a polite knock on a door helps someone feel respected; the use of a person's name creates connection; and an 'excuse me' often leads to another feeling cared about.

Common Courtesies are the key to helping us function as a community - they demonstrate care and respect, and help us get along with each other harmoniously. A father said to me the other day about his son's discovery of the shower,  'He's just realised that smelling nice helps him get along with people better!' And this is what I think about manners - they help us get along with people better!