Rough Play

What to do about rough play? It's a question we grapple with continuously as many parents question why we stop boys from engaging in what we call 'rough play'. 'It's normal', many of you say, or 'It's just what boys do'. And you are right when you say this.

All young animals engage in playing roughly and testing out their strength... or lack of ... on each other - just watch a group of puppies or kittens for half an hour. They are jumping on each other, biting and scratching and pulling each other to the ground. Occasionally when one gets too rough there is a hiss or yelp warning the stronger one off. This usually results in a short reprieve while everyone cools down before leaping into it again. The rough play of young animals serves a socialising purpose. It's also about 'survival of the fittest' and gaining strength to be the stand out in the litter. And perhaps 'rough play' for young boys is the same.

It can be alarming to see boys engaging in this behaviour at school - there are usually over a hundred boys on the oval at play times (far more than a litter of kittens), and if you can imagine a hundred puppies on the oval you have some idea of the magnitude of the play and some of the potential problems that could occur!

Many boys love to play like this - there's nothing more fun than jumping all over your friends, pulling them to the ground, tripping them as they run by or grabbing someone's hat and keeping it aloft in the air while the poor owner tries to get it back. Really? There's nothing more fun than this? We have just as many boys at school who dislike this kind of play intensely and who are even afraid of it. You see, unlike puppies and kittens who back off when it gets too rough, human animals don't. The 'play' tends to escalate and someone gets hurt - sometimes seriously.

If parents think rough play is important for their child's development then it can be encouraged in small groups (like a litter) under a parent's supervision. It just can't happen at school where we have to consider the risks, both physical and emotional, for ALL boys, of allowing them to play like this.

We believe it's far better to teach cooperative or team games and encourage children to play these as much as possible. They serve the same purpose as rough play - socialising and strength building are inherent in these activities. But they have the added bonus of encouraging the development of quality relationships and connectedness with others.

Rough play separates kids through fear and competition. Cooperative or team games connects kids together through fun and team spirit. I know the outcome I prefer for our boys.