Behaviour is infectious!

I recently saw this post on my Facebook News Feed - and thought how true it is. When people make an effort to smile and greet each other, use common courtesies, wait patiently at the checkout, drive courteously and generally be pleasant, others around them often follow.

And similarly, when we are angry, discourteous and greet the world with a scowling face, the world scowls back at us.

If you ever have a chance to drive up (or down) the west coast of Australia, you will see the roadside strewn with bottles, fast food wrappings, nappies, and all manner of rubbish normally reserved for the local tip. It's almost as if every traveller on that highway has seen the rubbish and thought 'oh well, I may as well throw all mine out there too'.

And so it is, not just with litter, but with every behaviour - they are infectious! People seem to catch them and the ripples spread. I see a lot of ripples of infectious behaviour in our school - our children play well together, greet each other warmly and include new friends, use their manners freely, hand in money when they find it, smile openly and are generally cooperative, friendly and cheerful to be with. The virus behaviours are infectious too. The other day I watched a couple of boys on the oval tripping each other up and pushing each other to the ground. By the time I got the teacher's attention and pointed madly to the fracas going on behind him, the 'game' involved five boys.

The behaviour of adults is also infectious - going a little too fast on the roads, jaywalking instead of crossing at the lights, pulling up in a No Parking zone for just a couple of minutes and swimming outside the flags. For more examples closer to home/school, just take a look at parking around our school in the afternoons, stopping in the Drop Off/Pick Up Zone, and latest virus to catch on, encouraging children to 'jump the fence' or putting children over the locked gate on Ridges Boulevard. A couple of people do it, and before you know it, many are doing it, even though it's unsafe and all students have been asked to walk around to the entrance.

In many cases, children can work out when behaviour is a virus and when it's a peaceful ripple, and make a choice accordingly. But as they are learning how to get along in the world they look to adult role models to help them discern the finer points of what is 'right' and 'wrong' in any given situation. As adults it is important for us to think about what our children are learning from watching our behaviour and the choices we make - the 'rules' or safety practices we decide to ignore or just bend a little. In many cases, children are learning that it's okay to ignore rules and do what they want, as long as no one is watching.

I wonder where a learning like this could take us in the future? Will children learn, for example, that its okay to take something from someone else because no one was there to see it? Or they may decide to not wear a bike helmet because it's unlikely there will be a police officer to notice. Instead of learning to be intrinsically honest and caring about others, they learn to test the waters to see if they get caught - and rejoice in the times they 'get away with it'.

Let's all consider what our children really learn when we are rushed and frazzled and tempted to 'jump the fence', and instead, choose the long term solution of teaching our kids how to tread a safe and thoughtful passage through life.

A friend commented on the picture above in her News Feed and said 'Imagine if everyone in the world did this for just one day? It costs nothing and would create world peace'.

Have a lovely day!

There's a time and a place

Photo credit: Coldplay Live 2012

I went to see Coldplay in Brisbane last Wednesday night - what an amazing show! There were lights, fireworks, enormous balloons bouncing over the audience, somewhere in the vicinity of 52 000 people, laser beams, and of course, an incredible band on stage. In the first 10 minutes the enigmatic Chris Martin had managed to say what kids tell me is the 'f-word' about six times.

Did I mind? Hell, no! It was entirely appropriate given the spectacle, the noise, the excitement, the sheer awesomeness (another word we love using these days) of it all.

Swearing appears to be such a part of our vernacular these days. We hear it everywhere - at the movies, on TV, in newspapers, at the shops, and dare I say it - in our own homes. It seems everyone swears these days. I even do my own fair share of swearing! So it makes it quite difficult when we want to stop children swearing at school. We tell them it's wrong and even discipline the continual offenders. Is school the only place where swearing is not allowed? No, of course not! There are many situations in which swearing is completely out of place, and may even be offensive.

Kids swear for many reasons - for effect, to impress their peers, to try out an 'adult' vernacular, as a habit, to assert themselves in the peer group - and while I don't mind listening to Chris Martin swear in between songs, I hate hearing kids swear. I hate hearing my own child swear (even though she insists that now she is 18 she can say what she likes!). Perhaps that's the key - they feel grown up when they can legitimately let fly with a few 'f-words'.

Our roles as parents and educators is to teach about time and place so that swearing becomes a mature choice between expressing yourself intelligently and respectfully or taking a shortcut with a few offensive words. Choosing to swear isn't about a rite of passage - it's about choosing behaviour that demonstrates how you want to seen. This is a useful skill for our children to learn - and maturity is demonstrated through its use.

The Art of Persuasion ... Letters from 2B

For the past two years the writing task in the National Assessment Program in Literacy and Numeracy (otherwise known as NAPLAN) has assessed the ability of students in Years 3, 5 and 7 to write persuasively. And so it is, that at this time of the year our Year 2 students turn their sights towards learning and consolidating this important life skill.

During the week I received a package of beautifully presented (handwritten) letters from 2B. On top was a sticky note, 'Hi Gwen, 2B feel quite strongly about an issue and thought the best thing to do would be to persuade you to their point of view. It is our first go at persuasion and they had a bit of guidance. I know you're busy so thanks for reading them. The kids are looking forward to your response. Bec'

Hmmmmm... Well, firstly, I'm NEVER too busy to read a child's work, to listen to them read or see one (or more) that present to my office full of pride with a job well done. Secondly, I had a pretty good idea they were going to try and persuade me to say 'yes' to something I'd want to say 'no' to!

And so - what did they want? I read 24 letters imploring me to allow them to bring toy cars to school. They demonstrated true generic style by stating upfront what they wanted and then presenting all the reasons why I should say yes, and finishing off with a summary. It was priceless.

I was informed that playing with cars was better than fighting; that kids were allowed to bring a ball to school and didn't I know that a ball was a toy?; that playing with cars was cooler than running around in the hot sun; that they had lost their privileges to borrow equipment from the sports shed and had nothing to do (???); that they could play in the shade if they had cars; that small cars are a lot of fun; that being able to play with them would encourage them to play 'friendly' and share; that teachers 'needed to get over it' - this, I found somewhat less persuasive; that the adventure playground was too small for everyone; and so it went on.

The fact is, we prefer children don't bring toys to school, as a rule. Losses and breakages cause much angst, and parents and children are rarely happy with the outcome of an investigation which has usually taken up far too much of the teacher's time. But I've never been very good at saying 'no' to kids! Especially when they ask for what they want responsibly and through using a tool that is well recognised as purposeful in achieving social action. 'Yes, if..' can be a far more useful response for building responsibility and teaching important life skills without the interference of the resentfulness an outright 'no' often brings.

So, my reply to them was:
Thank you very much for your letters regarding being able to bring toy cars to school to play with at play time. They were very well written and I enjoyed reading them.

The fact is that we have a rule at school about not allowing toys because often toys get broken or taken and the time it takes to sort out the problem means students are missing out on learning – and most times people can't agree on how the toy was lost or taken.

I agree that we have let children bring the balls they won at the Lap-a-thon to school. This was on the understanding that if they went missing, then it's sad but the teachers are not going to chase around looking for it. Other sorts of toys must be left at home.

So, as your letters were very good at persuading me to think about this more I have decided that if you would like to bring your cars to school you must have a plan that describes things like who can bring cars, how many, where you will play, what happens if one is lost or broken. The plan must have agreement from Ms Brian and all the other staff who do duty in the area where you play. The other teachers need to agree because their children will want to bring cars too.

Let me know what you decide and thank you for being so respectful in asking for what you want. If you can learn to do this well then you will have learned a very useful skill for life.

I remembered belatedly I hadn't included that the plan must state how they will play with the cars without digging up the grass and gardens! I ventured into the playground shortly after pressing send (my reply was an email) and was besieged by students from 2B excitedly informing me they were writing me another letter. I'm assuming it will be the plan and I'm expecting it to be VERY persuasive!

Meanwhile, that evening I was watching Better Homes and Gardens and the handy presenter built a gorgeous sandpit seat - is there a Dad out there who would like to build us one of these? Seemed like the perfect solution to me!